baby,  child,  parent,  second child

Questions to consider before you have a second child

One child seems to fit wonderfully into the family to complete it perfectly. Having one child is a handful that can be handled. Becoming a parent is so momentous, how can anything top that feeling again.  Maybe a second child?  There’s that nagging question going around your brain… do you want to even consider trying for a second child? At the moment it could seem at the bottom of the list. You convince yourself that today – it’s a big fat no.

But that indecision soon creeps in again and those little thoughts begin to eat away at you again.  What would happen if you did want another child? Is it right for your family dynamic? Will it change everything? Should you be content with what you have? Those questions just keep popping up to the surface.

You have everything you could ever wish for. But….

You don’t even know if you want a second child

It’s a strange dilemma to be in. To have one lovely child and be at the point where life is great. The feeling that you might want another one is there. It cannot be ignored. Number one has started growing up and your biological clock is ticking again. Those gorgeous babies all your friends are having make your heart flutter.

But why are you so undecided if you should try for another baby? Wouldn’t it be so much easier if you just knew you didn’t want another one? It would be great to stop overthinking it and move on. There wouldn’t be any decision to make. When you’re undecided – it’s just the worst.

So why rock the boat?

Pin me for later… Second child

To experience it again

Did you find the whole experience fantastic and loved being pregnant?  Watching your body change and your belly grow for all those months. Fancy trying it again? Despite the pain and trauma of birth many women have a strange need to do it again. It’s pretty euphoric and mind blowing. A selfish purely self-indulgent reason for wanting another child.

But the chance to create another human doesn’t come along everyday and that deep down desire for another child is so strong.

Do you have this feeling that another child would be wonderful?

Only child syndrome

Have you heard about ‘only child syndrome’?  This child who becomes an awful selfish child who gets there own way all the time. With little thought for anyone else. Urgghh! Can you imagine if your child was ‘that’ child?

Thankfully that may be the worst case scenario, but the implication that only children turn out for the worst is enough to get the baby making machine switched on.  I’m sure you’re positive your only child wouldn’t end up like that; you wouldn’t allow it. But is there a tendency to be more selfish as an only child when you haven’t had to share a toy, share a room or share your parents with another being?

Possibly.

Someone to rely on

Wouldn’t it be great to always have a someone to rely on. A sibling to help you. To be there for you, to share the burden of ageing parents.

A sister or brother to look after, to play with, to share the wonderful times with. An only child could be missing out on the extra joy that only a sibling can bring them.

A sibling is a great gift.

Childcare

Think sensibly.  Another child would mean staying at home or more childcare. Staying at home could be a great pro. A chance to spend more time with all your children. Unfortunately childcare is very expensive, and working is hard enough with one, never mind two. Could you really navigate your way through all the places you’d need to get to and keep it together? Are you cut out for it?

I’m sure there’s family members who could help.  But in reality, would you ever get a babysitter again? Getting one child looked after is pretty easy, but there’s a rumour going around that getting two looked after can be really hard. So this may inevitably mean the end of any joint nights out.  Is that such a terrible compromise though?  Haven’t you had a good social life already?

What about the sleepless nights?

This is a big no! This phase of babyhood may really put you off having another one. Could you honestly hack those sleepless nights again with an older child to look after too? When sleep deprivation has you on your knees the first time, it is a scary prospect to go back to that stage.

(Read my story – How sleep training saved me)

Maybe it would be better this time with more experience? Maybe not.

It’s only a short time of a baby’s life when you think about it, but it’s extremely hard to carry on with such little sleep. Is it worth putting yourself  through it again? Of course it is – you’ve made a real life child for goodness sake. You will survive it again.

It’s those baby and toddler days again

Babies are fab but they take such a lot of energy. Do you have the stamina for it? The thought of teething, clingyness, constant crying and dirty nappies could make you shudder. But then think of all those wonderful cuddles, precious bonding times, awesome smiles.  That glowing satisfaction that comes with raising a child. Then there’s the fun of weaning, walking and talking! The toddler years that are brilliant fun. Surely that’s worth it all?

Is having two kids quadruple the work?

I’m not sure how this happens but other parents say having two kids is not just double the effort. But it’s actually quadruple the work. The math doesn’t add up. And it makes no sense. There are many anecdotal assurances out there to confirm this anomaly is so true! That somehow everything is a billion, trillion times harder than ever before! (Are these exaggerations?)

Who knows, but you’ll never find out unless you give it a go.

Child number two is the spawn of all evil

Whose been told this over and over again? Actually I’m sure you must have witnessed this too. Apparently child number two is like a whirlwind that shakes the whole house and brings completely new challenges to parenting life, that you can’t even imagine. Child number two doesn’t just cry, they scream constantly all night. Child number two doesn’t just hate his food, but instead of eating, they stuff it down their nappies and in their ears. Child number two is so high spirited they practically float away with all the hot air coming out of their mouths.

Isn’t it a common phrase that many parents joke that if they’d had number two first, they would have been an only child.

So what is this weird phenomenon about second children? I’m sure this makes you a little nervous to say the least!

You’re very happy

You are a perfectly happy little family. Your child is a great sidekick and has brought you the best experiences in your life. They make you so fulfilled every single day.  As a family you are so content and happy. Why would you want anything more? You don’t really need anything more. Being happy as you are is the most important thing to consider.

None the wiser

So with all these reasons to have another child, or not have one, are you any the wiser about where you stand? Perhaps you’re still in the ‘don’t no’ box at the moment. At some point you’ll have to decide whether to go through the wonderful world of pregnancy, birth and babies again. To see if a second child is really the spawn of all evil or if that’s just a myth.

And if you decide not to try again or it just doesn’t happen? Don’t worry. You know you’re extremely blessed and lucky enough to be really happy with one child. So it’s a win-win.

Take a look at your child and feel overwhelmed by the love. They came along to brighten your life and you really are so lucky to have them. Maybe just one is the perfect number for your family after all.

So will you be having child number two?

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